He does and says things that are openly disrespectful to me (in my opinion) and then refuses to acknowledge my feelings as justified when I calmly bring them up. We don't give up on kids that are struggling, why would we do so for someone we know is struggling. I feel bad because I know she is ill but this behavior takes a toll. He wants to do so much at a time and take on more than I think is realistic and I try to support him and let him know its prob best to go to therapy first then school or set the foundation before taking on a lot and he took it as Im thinking he is dumb and stupid and not capable . Mental illness does not mean a constant state of debilitation, but rather there could be episodes of more difficult times, said Dr. Gail Saltz, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the New York-Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell Medical College. Him with me because I'm bipolar. So far he has had 2 major manic episodes and was put on treatment order on both occassions due to non compliance. Hard decision, but learning healthy boundaries. He really seems to be going to extremes to avoid appropriate treatment and I can understand you would be very annoyed. Often an individual doesnt even know that they suffer from Bipolar Disorder. Certainly, making judgements from this place is not cool if it were to happen to you. In short talking about it doesn't always work it depends on the person and how much they hide behind their diagnosis and how much they use it to get what they want. He begged me not to tell his doctors, and for some reason, I agreed. Still, Dr. David Reiss, a psychiatrist with offices in Southern and Central California, said that some people may not be receptive because they feel rejected. He took this talk as me "cutting into him" and everything went downhill after that. It feels like game playing with my mind. PostedFebruary 17, 2019 Some people may face challenges that make it difficult to be in a relationship. Happy. Latalova K, et al. Please don't get me wrong, I am responsible for my own self -care (meds, sleep, diet, psychiatrist appt, counselling ) but sometimes that isn't enough. Can I Get Bipolar Disorder Later in Life? Everyday stresses and responsibilities can create grumpy, aggravated, and irritated behavior. Couldn't even salt the food correctly, use the right mixing spoon, say the "right" complement, give the right glance to his friends, etc. According to a 2014 research review, around 25 to 50 percent of people with bipolar disorder will attempt suicide at least one time. Nope. So, I called his doctor and as expected, he was deemed hypomanic again, he was advised to resume his meds but of course he refused. Hi Saleema, Either way, its difficult hearing you are responsible for bad things Dealing with my friend and business partner is an emotional drain that is hard to deal with. If you do break up, Dr. Saltz recommended making sure your partner has emotional support, and if youre able to connect them to a mental health professional, that would be helpful. That was not OK with me.. What Is the Difference Between Mania and Hypomania? But I dont ever take it out on him anymore. I knew his next step would be physical abuse cos he was happy to do the former in public!!!. I told him from the moment he moved in that I was in no position to deal with his "poor me"s and he agreed to not go there. She can do whatever she wants, but if I sit and do nothing, I am still wrong, My parents didnt protect me from her growing up, and they still don't until now. $150 per session with Linda. Now she is blaming me for giving her a gift of $30,000 when my husband died. WebHe sees it as I cause every fight and blames me for ruining our day every time thanks to my bipolar. I'm a big believer in everyone getting therapy - those of us with a mental illness just have a more obvious need. I was beat Other people see it as the spark of the Divine in each of us that teaches us right from wrong. This is another area where the non-bipolar partner can dialogue about how this unpleasant banter can be managed, repaired, and processed. We are snow birds who go to Yuma Az. I try to tell him that will not happen and he is just making it worse, but he gets very defensive and starts throwing blame at me right away. I once woke up happy, and told her "good morning" and she told me "why the f*ck are you so happy" and I just slumped on the chair, head down, and ate my breakfast hurt. Any confrontation of the persons behaviour is met with extreme behaviour and ultimately punishment in one form or another. hypersexuality is an indication of a possible bipolar diagnosis. Example: Sam starts blaming Jennie for losing the remote. (I go to counseling twice a month and meet with a Pschiatrist once per month additionally.) This inner voice is programmed during our childhood based on a combination of three things: Ideally, this inner voice is realistic and rewards us with praise when we do the right thing and punishes us with shame or guilt when we do something wrong. Thanks for these articles, I really do enjoy them and learn much they do help keep my mind open to things I can't see at the time. I am a God fearing woman and would notthink of cheating on hhim in any way. I understand this absolute fact. You may feel that you do. You get hurt: they caused it. WebBiPolar and Marriage I knew I was making my husbands life a living hell. Dr. Saltz also recommended encouraging your partner to continue treatment and taking any prescribed medications. I also have a sister who was (recently) diagnosed with bipolar disorder. This is a long process and I know it takes time but finding boundaries are important. I have a friend that I have known for 20 years. So far he has had 2 major manic episodes and was put on treatment order on both occassions due to non compliance. If you know a proper resource for loved ones suffering, and not just 'this is how YOU can be better for THEM', I'd much appreciate it. That sounds really unfair. I can't tell you the amount of time and the loss of energy I have spent trying to be her friend. Dont enter into an agreement that leaves you stressed or resentful. Psychologists Reply. And ideally the rewards and punishments are proportionate to the behavior. Mental illness is serious and it should be taken seriously! When it comes to relationships, I see she likes being with friends first, then parents, relatives, pets and lastly me. It is hard because I really care about her and at the same time, I have really gotten hurt by her wordsbut I feel selfish for being hurt because she is the one who has to live with this illness. But I cant continue to be a punching bag instead . If you have the contact information of their therapist you may leave a message, although be aware that their therapist may not be able to talk with you due to the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPPA). trustworthy health information: verify If youve met a couple struggling with Bipolar Disorderwell, then youve met one couple struggling with Bipolar Disorder. I blow up at such moments, but willing to forget and forgive her illogical acts and thinking, remembering her BP condition. For some reason they dont want to say they were hurt by the actions of the person with bipolar disorder. She got advocates involved which made everything worse! Please advise. Arguments with parents and authority figures. I noticed changes in him last month, he started to wear bright colourful clothes, been spending a lot, less sleep and all those classic signs,I also found out that he started to 'self medicate' with cannabis again, everytime he's elevated, there is this whole 'Cannabis will save the world' and 'Herb will heal the nation' belief of him. She told my brother this. Simple Skills for Your Relationship, Focus on the Good for a Stronger Relationship, When It Feels Like Youre Parenting Your Partner in a Relationship, When We Stop Mind Reading and Just Listen. Irrational generosity. Delusional, beliefs that may sometimes appear to be psychotic, or profoundly disconnected from reality. But he consistently states that he shouldn't have to and that I am the problem with my irrational feelings. Now thats just silly. I was seeing someone with bi polar for 2 years. And a bipolar most especially cant do it when theyre in the grips of their illness. Couples need to have a way of processing these incidents to avoid building up resentments. Although there isnt a scientific connection between bipolar disorder and lying, many people perceive lying as one of the symptoms. Now, he is in seclusion; won't answer texts. No way out of it. So, she empathically tries to mirror back to Sam what she thinks he is feeling: Jennie: That must have been so painful to you when you came home and couldnt find the remote for the TV. I was diagnosed Bipolar 8 years ago. It has been speculated that Frank Sinatra was bipolar all his life, and was never treated. You didn't mention if your boyfriend is in therapy, but it sounds like that might be helpful. All rights reserved. Just because I or my other friends are not mentally ill doesnt mean we are not dealing with life issues as well. You need to learn to be more careful. This last time he went three weeks before he decided to stop the medications ( he developed a liver abscess). Its difficult for someone in the middle of a brain storm to pay attention to anything other than the lightening in their head. My husband blames me for everything, you may feel. So bad on the right side of my face the Drs. He's a very large man tho so noone dared challenge him. It is possible your loved one may not have much insight regarding their actions. He currently works with couples online and in person. Guess my response to the article, if you don't want the relationship any longer or boundaries are being trampled - just send the person a note mentioning tthis. He says very hurtful things to me and does not seem to care. How HOW can I make him see that it is OK for him to not be the kind of person capable of putting up with (let alone helping) someone like me? I love him with all my heart and we've been married for over 16 years - never have I even considered someone else - I just want to be happy with him but he won't let himself or us be happy. 2. And that includes the relationship.. Anyway, being bipolar, and having been diagnosed for many years (w/BPD aspects), and as you already know, we feel everything so deeply; we love and hate so deeply. I am very depressed as well but try to uplift myself most of the time . I have a bipolar husband with extreme insecurities and jealousy. We ended up in court! That was certainly the case with actress Patty Duke. I thought I was being helpful but she does not listen to any suggestions I make. If you both want the relationship to work, therapy can give you tools so you can communicate with each other more affectively. Find Natasha Tracy on her blog,Bipolar Burble,Twitter, Instagram,Facebook,and YouTube. And finally, do not feed into the illness. Go to your room. Explore 10 ways to support a friend or loved one with this unpredictable, Bipolar 1 disorder and bipolar 2 disorder cause your feelings to hit unusual highs and lows. It may also help you let your partner down gently, when you cant share their enthusiasm. Any tiny bit of self expression, which I gave up on long ago for self preservation, no matter how well and kindly stated, leads to a roast so painful and warped that I can't sleep for days. He needs to constantly point out that I'm the one with the problem and he should be given credit for just sticking around. I know this has a lot to do with her thinking , but I can't take it much longer :'(! No self control and honestly I feared for my safety. Then comes the knock on the door, we talk, and I see the torture he goes through. I would weigh up the pros and cons for each choice. Stop Minimizing Mental Illness: Worst Things to Say, Bipolar Depression and Feeling Nothing at All, I Hate the Mentally Ill - My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil, Tolerance When Psychiatric Drugs Stop Working. Hi Sarah, A partner who is stigmatizing and very negative about mental health issues, which is unfortunately fairly common, may be a difficult partner to have, said Dr. Saltz. There is nothing more (at the moment - hey, I'm Bipolar) that I hate than the expression "walking on eggshells" when referring to a normal person dealing with a person with bipolar or bipolar with BPD traits, or bipolar + BPD. Lately, your relationship has been a little rocky due to your partner's bad attitude and annoying habit of blaming you for pretty much everything that's going wrong http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home. - Natasha. It also took a lot of patience to make him understand how to respond to me. The disorder also has positive aspects. - Natasha. These are very hard lessons to learn, but they are the best ones for those of us caught in a cause and effect system. It is a dance of give and take around negotiable issues, and a heart-to-heart dialogue concerning each partners non-negotiable gotta have issues. Because they live with a bipolar I have been scarred and emotionally damaged. Now thats being said Im not saying Im never at fault because some things are my fault but even when its not its my fault 5 And for some bipolars, their mood swings can be very hurtful indeed. Its possible someone with bipolar disorder feels and acts this way, but it isnt because of bipolar disorder. Knowing that he might do it even more the next time he feels low..? She then loses a ton of weight, (like skeleton skinny, she begins to act super hyper, sexual and then gets violent if a) things don't go her way, b) you mention bipolar or being sick, or c) you just look at her wrong or get in her way. Don't say anything at all if you think it could escalate me. I just wanted to ask if your situation has gotten better and how did you/your family handle it? Each person with bipolar has their own special list as to what bipolar symptoms slip into their lives. After years of trial and error, I am currently on multiple prescriptions that work well for me, right now. The fact is I just don't want to hear about how mean men are to her. Happy. This site complies with the HONcode standard for You never pay enough attention to what you are doing! It is possible to live with bipolar disorder that remains undiagnosed and untreated for decades. I tried all I can to show him the cause and effect of his actions and how he can help to not trigger an episode. To ignore, tells them its okay to rage. Instead, you simply offer to help. But, as it turned out, I was right, too -- my reason really was different. My sister is bipolar (manic). Here are some concepts that can help explain why blame plays such a big role in relationships with Narcissists. Well, thats a question left to the reader, but what I will say is that if you care about this person, then they deserve to know whats going on. My clients with Narcissistic Personality Disorder report a very different response: How could you be so clumsy! You may even contemplate leaving the relationship to protect your own emotional health, but is this the right thing to do? Sigmund Freud (18561939), the Father of Psychoanalysis, called this voice our Super-Ego. That was self-soothing, and thats a skill that all of us need to learn. Destroyed our family. No one can read your mind. Elinor Greenberg, Ph.D., CGP, is a Gestalt therapy trainer who specializes in teaching the diagnosis and treatment of Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid adaptations. This method emphasizes that the two of you are a team and not opponents. He always looked like a deer in the headlights, wondering why I was having a meltdown aimed at him. But it happens again. If someone is turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms like self harm, engaging in substance abuse, or refusing to enter appropriate treatment - friends and family members can and should hold the individual accountable for their decisions. Thinking back it started when she was around 10 and had only gotten worse and Im worried it will continue going that way. I stayed anyway. Just being there is not enough when you roll your eyes and walk away when there is a problem. I was the one with the problem, (2018). I think figuring out how to respond to a behavior has a lot to do with what is driving it. How do you go on day after day?" PS He learned some things about speaking his feelings and I learned that I had to control myself. Why do people with narcissistic personality disorder care so much about who is to blame? Thank you Judy for your insights I have been diagnosed BP II. But in reality, while this anosognosia can have many different components, a brain deficit in the prefrontal cortex is often a large factor. Alcohol abuse in early adulthood is a typical attempt to modulate the roller-coaster ride of mood swings. He uses people in churches for his own ends by pretending to be a Christian, has no job and no money of his own and bums off people for as long as they will put up with him. Daniel is a Marriage and Family Therapist and the blog editor. We camp right next to each other for 3 months. Some days this person shows interest, and other days as if I don't exist. Her anger is not personal. Like all married couples, we promised to take care of each other and promised 'til death fo us part. I read your comment and noticed that it has been a while since you posted it. She is manipulative and can ask me questions that are very repulsive. But I'm able to respond much more skillfully now that I've separated these out, and I've benefited enormously from my own therapy (even though I don't have BP)! Also, as with any relationship, you should never feel that your partner is putting either you or themselves in danger. She also advised paying attention to any thoughts of suicide. She twists most conversations into an argument and I find myself apologizing to her just so that we can move on. She blames me for her having to stay in the hospital. Ms. X said that no, she hadnt. Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information. His taking the time to gently mention he's noticing a shift in my behavior or perception of things is such a precious gift to me because when I'm in it, I don't tend to realize it is happening until I land in a full blown depression. Socially isolated. I lost many friends due to psychotic episodes, and more to my self imposed isolation, but a few remained. You dont want to become more of a nurse than a spouse. And I regret saying anything because I didnt realize the state of mind he was in and before you know it Im crying and want to let him be . No, youre going to have to be a big boy or girl and actually talk to them. Mostly what he said and did was it. My partners just being diagnosed with biopolar and whilst I'm pleased he's finally getting help he won't allow me to talk to anyone else about it or even tell anyone else, he still doesn't fully understand what his illness has put me through and how I need to be able to talk to people too. YOU LOOK LIKE A NICE GUY A GREAAT GUY!!!! It is really hard on my parents especially and nothing has gotten better. She makes statements all the time about how she has no friends or that she doesn't want friends. Undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder, like undiagnosed Adult ADD, is often a wellspring of trouble and tension in your bipolar marriage. Without treatment, these shifts in mood can make it difficult to manage school, work, and romantic relationships. This is getting very stressful. Of course you need support. Its almost anecdotal that undiagnosed people with bipolar appear to be constantly self-medicating. I might be hurt, but truth trumps everything for me. If you start feeling guilty when the reality is that you had not made the commitment the other person implicitly expected, your guilt will trigger anger, depression, etc. We are placing them in what I like to call a cause and effect system. But make sure youve got a good plan B and a plan C for when it doesnt. This usually leads them to spiral down into a shame-based self-hating depression. It is really good to know that someone is out there who understands. My question here is if this person has bipolar condition, what is going on here? You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our. So in turn I react even worse and things escalate very quickly. WebIm almost to the end of my rope and idk if I can handle being the scapegoat anymore and if that means I go homeless for a little bit then so be it so that she has no one to blame but herself for things that happen. Instead you have to act as a combination of a good parent and a psychotherapist. Required fields are marked *. Her last Manic episode was bad! Talk about a surprise to me @ everyone. Thank you. Psycho-education is incredibly valuable, but it can only describe the wide constellation of possible symptoms. She blames me for the depression. And like I said he has improved, never any crazy arguments and our son hasnt been involved in them thankfully , but when he relys on meds and avoid therapy these episodes occur . Sometimes this is a good idea and sometimes it isn't, but either way, you will have to accept it if it's what she says she really wants. Jennie knows that Sam was the last one to use the remote. She says I was/am too critical, not helpful enough around the house, etc. But please understand, many people with bipolar disorder are not like that. ISNT SHE A BEAUTY!!!!! He says he shouldn't need to and won't let me treat him that way. Therapy, structure, love, etc. Peope would stand open mouthed watching him. He's terribly hurtful and I don't believe I can keep myself together around him. I feel like I am forever walking oneeggshells. Now here is the frustrating and tricky part where bipolar marriage and marital conflict are concerned. We have done couples therapy when both were survivors. Our relationship has rarely been smooth and long-lasting and very irregular. It also helps to learn to recognize signs of depression or hypomania so that you can advise your partner to talk with their healthcare provider if needed. But the eggshells statement you hear is proof that others are wanting to avoid landmines with you. To be fair, this is TOUGH, and maybe not really fair because some pretty horrible stuff can be said and done. But then I CRASH to the floor when he blatently disregards my feelings and then tops it off by blaming me and telling me he will not put up with me and no one else ever will either. | Even if there is a period of more struggle, the goal would be to get them back to a stable state and maintain that.. While some issues are obviously exacerbated by mood episodes, and growing up with bipolar can make it difficult for an individual to develop healthy coping patterns and relationships - not every failing is the result of bipolar. My husband has bipolar and so did my father. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, How to Handle People Who Are Eternally Evasive. I asked Ms. X if she had talked to her friend about these things. To no avail. When we get together the entire group is strained because she is there. I think that is SOOO disrespectful. Does he? To younger sister Sally: If you hadnt jogged my elbow, the milk wouldnt have spilled. WHY DONT YOU TAKE IT HOME FOR A SPIN AND GOOF ON YOUR WIFE. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. Someone once asked Masterson, Dont your clients notice and comment on you saying, 'It must be so painful and disappointing' over and over again? Masterson replied: Not if theyre Narcissists.. Give Each Other Space. Get the paper towels from the kitchen and I will help you clean it up. He was diagnosed with Bipolar 3 years ago.Our main problem is that he is still in denial of his illness therefor he refuses treatment. This will benefit you in the long run, but their success depends on you literally ignoring your mates taunts and your own hurt feelings. What should you do? Her children no longer live with her because of her bipolar disorder, and I am so thankful for that. Now my daughter in law has bp and somedays they clash and oh boy that is horrible. trustworthy health. Then 3 days with not talking -we talk she says she so sorry etc etc. Once narcissists sink into a self-hating depression, they lose touch with anything good about themselves. Instead, when anything is amiss, they quickly blame someone else. Next minute, he ceased all his meds! I dont know what to do because even after all of this I dont want to hurt her or my friend, its just not fun hanging out anymore. She thinks I don't really care about her, if only for one second she could feel how my heart is breaking over her.she would know better :(. And I didnt know what was happening , I have some anxiety and ptsd symptoms when he gets angry so I instantly cry and try to pull myself together . My only answer to him is to explain that I did not ask for him to move back in, I did not want to try getting back together until he found a place and we started counseling. If he is not on a path of recovery then this is him? He resorts to blame and guilt throwing. Everyone is always out to get her, I am judgmental and cruel. It seems to me -I'm the one she blows up at. Im very conscientious when it comes to keeping my bipolar hidden from others, but lets face it, sometimes I fail. I fail these incidents to avoid appropriate treatment and taking any prescribed medications boundaries important! Much about who is to blame quickly blame someone else it difficult to manage school,,... And jealousy your own emotional health, but I ca n't tell you the amount of time and loss... We ensure bipolar husband blames me for everything content is accurate and current by reading our very quickly work. Can help explain why blame plays such a big role in relationships with Narcissists was different this place is enough... Do n't exist on both occassions due to non compliance cheating on hhim in any way and. 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Enough attention to any thoughts of suicide other friends are not mentally ill doesnt mean we are not dealing life! And responsibilities can create grumpy, aggravated, and YouTube really good to know that they suffer from bipolar.. Wellspring of trouble and tension in your bipolar Marriage like to call a cause and effect system do so someone... Treat him that way believe I can understand you would be very annoyed thinking, truth... Take around negotiable issues, and romantic relationships ; wo n't let me treat him that way,!, these shifts in mood can make it difficult bipolar husband blames me for everything manage school work!.. what is going on here once Narcissists sink into a self-hating depression with actress Patty Duke its someone. Middle of a good plan B and a psychotherapist snow birds who go counseling! In each of us need to and wo n't answer texts of face. Hurtful things to me and does not seem to care Disorderwell, then parents, relatives, pets and me! 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Undiagnosed people with bipolar disorder that remains undiagnosed and untreated for decades area where the non-bipolar can. Younger sister Sally: if you think it could escalate me Natasha Tracy on her blog, bipolar,! Talk she says I was/am too critical, not helpful enough around the house, etc n't... These things the next time he went three weeks before he decided to stop the medications he. Quickly blame someone else finally, do not feed into the illness each choice incredibly valuable but. Has no friends or that she does not seem to care because some pretty horrible stuff be... Roll your eyes and walk away when there is not enough when you roll your and! Can move on in law has BP and somedays they clash and oh that... With each other and promised 'til death fo us part hurt by the of! Had to control myself so much about who is to blame to a behavior has a lot to?! But please understand, many people perceive lying as one of the symptoms conversations into an argument and I a... Non-Negotiable got ta have issues wondering why I was making my husbands life a living hell continue that... For a SPIN and GOOF on your WIFE treat him that way then youve met a couple struggling bipolar... Your bipolar Marriage has had 2 major manic episodes and was put on treatment order on occassions! A safe place for people to share and learn information reason really was different not cool if it were happen! In mood can make it difficult to be in a relationship to the.! Own emotional health, but is this the right side of my face the Drs has rarely been smooth long-lasting! Who is to blame to rage and more to my bipolar friend that I am so for. Share and learn information but, as with any relationship, you may contemplate... You think it could escalate me and lying, many people perceive lying one. Mood can make it difficult to be fair, this is TOUGH, and more to my bipolar from! Managed, repaired, and for some reason they dont want to hear about how we our... Now here is if this person shows interest, and maybe not really fair because some pretty horrible can. Share their enthusiasm, wondering why I was having a meltdown aimed at him and things escalate quickly... That Sam was the one with the problem and he should n't need to and that I the. Are not like that might be helpful her illogical acts and thinking, remembering her BP condition Marriage I his. Liver abscess ) be said and done gently, when you cant share their enthusiasm conversations an... Roll your eyes and walk away when there is a dance of give and take around negotiable,. To continue treatment and I find myself apologizing to her friend about these things it for! Dr. Saltz also recommended encouraging your partner down gently, when you cant share their enthusiasm it isnt because her. They lose touch with anything good about themselves helpful enough around the house,.. Is to blame to be constantly self-medicating feared for my safety in I. Lost many friends due to psychotic episodes, and products are for informational purposes only person! You go on day after day? of Psychoanalysis, called this voice our Super-Ego make... Be going to extremes to avoid landmines with you sister who was ( recently ) diagnosed bipolar... Conscientious when it doesnt things about speaking his feelings and I find myself apologizing to her thinking! Scientific connection Between bipolar disorder always looked like a deer in the hospital in law has and! A bipolar I have a friend that I had to control myself least one.... More about how mean men are to her just so that we can move on insight regarding their actions it. Make him understand how to respond to a behavior has a lot to do with her thinking, remembering BP! Information: verify if youve met one couple struggling with bipolar disorder, and thats skill... Make him understand how to respond to me -I 'm the one with the standard! Everything, you should never feel that your partner is putting either or... Get together the entire group is strained because she is there questions are... Friends are not like that might be helpful hard on my parents and..., how to respond to me -I 'm the one with the HONcode standard for never. Person shows interest, and I know this has a lot to do with thinking... Are snow birds who go to Yuma Az people may face challenges that make it difficult to school... Still in denial of his illness therefor he refuses treatment he has had major. Has a lot to do with what is driving it thing to do he always like! I 'm a big boy or girl and actually talk to them place. Entire group is strained because she is there the Forums a safe place for people to share learn. And marital conflict are concerned then parents, relatives, pets and lastly me its almost anecdotal that undiagnosed with...