hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript

And I wish I could tell 18-year-old me that, but I cant. What are the chances? Shes like, Listen, you know, ever since my family moved from Nebraska, youve been my best friend. Oh, my God, Rajesh Rengatramanajananam, give it to me right now. She starts crying and runs out. (1977) The Alamo: (1936, 1960 & 2004) The Alamo . Dont say you dont like Water Runs Dry. Executive Producers: Hasan Minhaj, Michelle Caputo, Shannon Hartman, Rick Famuyiwa, Jennie Church-Cooper. Youre Hasan Minhaj. You guys decided to get your Angelina Jolie on, and bring over this FOB. So I start clicking around. Every immigrant father feels like if they brought you to the US Happy Birthday. You know about this. If you're unfamiliar with Minhaj, chances are you've seen him lately. and the , and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. But Homecoming King, the Netflix comedy special by Hasan Minhaj, is anything but traditional. And her family had just moved from Nebraska to Davis, and we were in AP Calc together, but we had chemistry. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Are you fucking kidding me? The same year, he wrote Minhaj's speech for the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner. [makes long, crackling, buzzing noise] [blows] If someone picked up the phone, Hey, get off the phone! I had to bring it back here. Your email address will not be published. Ive seen Girls. Im supposed to be her big brother, help her navigate the American dream and protect her. There you go, Uncle Sam. And one time in middle school a girl called the house. He looks at me. Ive got to drop the greatest status update. I run upstairs, open my laptop, fire up Facebook, and then I see this. What happened was, my dad would go back and forth to India to visit my mom, and during one trip he knocked her up. I need the claps. Streaming Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King (2017) sub indo. This is the American dream. Thats Tinder with no photos. I run up to her. [laughter] Dont you know what this means? And while its a deeply personal show that relies on Minhajs unique experiences, the show still feels universal. Its Jon. Netflix said, Where do you want to do the special? I need her. You knew how hard it was for me, and then I was so insecure at that age that I couldnt date another white person, because I was afraid of not being able to be with them, because of the color of my skin. The 72-minute show, which Minhaj originated as a one-man off-Broadway show in 2015, is an energetic piece of storytelling that is a comedic but insightful reflection on Minhajs experience of growing up brown in America. Shes always like, Oh, my God, you are so melodramatic. Log kya kahenge? Bill Maher is like, These Muslims, 85 percent of them hate our freedom. Younger siblings, you guys are worthless. It was a reverse Lord of the Rings situation. Walk in there and just own it. Its like living in North Korea. This has, um This has been a very good year for me. Coming Soon. Two years, three years, four years, six years, seven years I finally get a chance to headline a comedy club. So for her first birthday, he wanted it to be special. The Closer is Chappelle's sixth and final special under his 2016 deal with Netflix, with the other five being Deep in the Heart of Texas . The past is the past. They want you to audition. I decided not to go. Everybody in the class looked at me. Its a big deal. When youre ready, Jon will come down. Hey, man, by any chance do you know how many pizza sliders you get in a box for just ten bucks? [laughter] Nine! Is it true you can mix and match up to three ways? [laughter] Yes, three. Then the following Monday, during first period she finds me. Sign this. I sign this waiver that clears the hospital of liability if something happens to my dad. Hey idiot, pick up your phone. Turn left. Then he turns right, and Im like, Home Depot? One year, she came to school and brought me a Ghostbusters proton pack. Kids were losing their minds. That is an Indian sociopath. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. Some of you guys are just in college, Snapchatting. Because of her, I got to marry the love of my life. Everyone here, please be normal. My dad is like, We are normal. Killing me, you know what I mean? She Phil Jacksoned that situation. The night of prom rolls around. Homecoming King, a Netflix special of Daily Show correspondent Minhaj's off-Broadway one-man show, finds the comic staking out his territory alongside Ansari's Master Of None, with one of the. Mom and Dad was my Vietnam. We can choose what we want to adhere from the motherland. I would love to hear that story., Tell me more. What? Because of this weve been killing each other for centuries. I was like, Yo, Facebook! Dont clap. I was like, I made it! You claim that shit on your own terms. This is what I do. Life is tough and sometimes you dont know what youre doing. Im walking up to the doorstep, and Im about to ring the doorbell when Im like, Wait. Wait, Im standing there on that doorstep, like, Wait, you want me to change my life because of log kya kahenge? Rajesh Rengatramana How does she make love? Dad hates yogurt. [laughter] He hates milk. But I get that look, now. Copyright Fandango. Thank you.. Come to New York. Some people were put here to find a cure for cancer, or find a vaccine for Ebola. You guys wanna know a secret? Weve all been there. I could feel it, like hed slapped me in a previous life. 23 S.E. Were not on that stage, ever. You wont. Pizza Hut money. Coming Soon. And it's wild that our kids will never know there was a period of time, in this country, where you had to make a choice between being online or being on the phone. Hasan Minhaj (The Daily Show, Homecoming King, Patriot Act) is an American comedian, writer, producer, political commentator, actor, and television host. Rajesh Rengatramanajananam, I want you so bad. I was like, Oh, I live in LA. Long time no see, indeed. [talks gibberish in high-pitched voice] Seven years. Racism., So Im watching the show Real Time With Bill Maher. Look, Mom, Dad, lets just be real. How many letters are in Rajesh Rengatramanajananam? Like, Pioneer I grew up here. Get in the Camry. The immigrant car of choice. Listen, I would love to give you some tix, but were going to be taking a lot of photos tonight, and I dont think youd be a good fit. Send that shit! You choked, right? Hasan Minhaj. In his 2017 stand-up special, Minhaj introduced himself and his . You guys are like, I was getting handjobs when I was nine. Not me. Hello, headliner. Hasan bhai! And Im in full hover-hands mode, because I have no idea who this person is. I guess I like acoustic guitar. You should do that. Its beautiful, the sun is setting, its one of those gorgeous evenings. Youre going to be on The Daily Show. I run outside. This is really nice. And I look at her, and Im like, Oh, my God. The dream is for you to take, so take that shit. Its Jewish Yoda. Run it with me. Were walking down the hallway, and I see all these photos of the old correspondents that came before me. 10:19. A transcript of the examination and interview follows. Im picking up soda and Im like, Ah! Dont do that. Im going to live forever! Then I would trip on my Velcro shoes and I would drop the soda and it would explode. I live on the second story. Now, its just kind of liberating. Br0wn love is very conditional. Whats wild is, I never even knew how the whole X-Men Origins story went down. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King 2017 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 12m | Comedies Comic Hasan Minhaj of "The Daily Show" shares personal stories about racism, immigrant parents, prom night horrors and more in this stand-up special. Youre getting there., I get to her house. Youre a fucking idiot. And everyones like, Oh, the atheist prophet speaks! So this clip went viral, him and Ben Affleck. Three days before prom he walks to the board. No fun, no girlfriends. We want to hear what you have to say but need to verify your email. His Netflix show Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj won two Peabody Awards and two Webby Awards . Elder siblings, we walk through the world like, Do people love me? And youre like, Mom and Dad fucked up with you, not with me. [shocked laughter] Shes like, Take it for one lap around the block. [speaking Hindi] I grab those handlebars, Im like, Fuck that noise. Boom. You cant do that. [makes crushing sounds]. All rights reserved. This is really nice. He talks to Sam about being an Indian American Muslim,. Are we? Brunettes? I want to be Batman. Well, of course. Im the cure for racism. About to meet his future daughter-in-law, Minhajs father repeats an oft-spoken phrase from their household: log kya kahenge, What will people think? Minhaj and his sister become upset, believing that something bigger besides religion, race, creed, color, or class unites them with all people. Yeah. Im JGL. I walk in and I see that Daily Show globe. But its too much. 22nd Ave Pompano Beach, Fl. This isnt high school. The special navigates serious subjects while still being laugh-out-loud funny. Growing up, we just want that co-sign. Thats the price we pay for being here. Thats when I was like, We really are from two different generations. BMX bikes aside. Id eaten off their plates, kissed their daughter. So cool. Every br0wn birthday party. Youre always stressed and always tired. He served as an associate producer for the Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King special, released on Netflix in May 2017. Its real. Thats a hand. So I just see a giant shadow walking towards me, and I hear his accomplishments at each step. I was like, Oh, hey, whats up? The 72-minute show, which Minhaj originated as a one-man off-Broadway show in 2015, is an energetic piece of storytelling that is a comedic but insightful reflection on Minhaj's experience of growing up "brown" in America. Its never the same after that. Ive never been to a club and seen nine dudes: Yo, whats going on? Whats going on? I really believe love is bigger than fear. Youre good. There has been extensive research on how American Muslim standup comedy evolved through time, audience perception But as soon as I say that He looks at me like I believe in Santa. He says, Hug her. You brought her out like Maury for immigrants. Hasan, you are the brother. Im like, No, no! She was breakdancing, and Im like, Who the fuck are you? You dont know me? Ive no idea who you are. I hated that br0wn girl so much. I just think our fathers didnt download all the great dad software. Dave Chappelle delivers a speech at his prestigious alma mater that reflects on his comedy roots, his rise to fame and why artists should never behave.. Gods not up in heaven being like, Youre racist, good job, thats what I always wanted.. Im going to jump off and land on my bike. Homecoming King was filmed in Minhajs hometown of Davis, California, the perfect venue for Minhaj to recount his real life experiences in a compelling story of family, relationships, race, identity, forgiveness, and the American Dream. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King | Official Trailer [HD] | Netflix Netflix 25.7M subscribers Subscribe 6.3K Share 525K views 5 years ago Fresh off his performance at the White House. I see a curb. Privacy Policy Lets move to the US where were the only people that know each other. Im so grateful for that decision. Directed by: Christopher Storer Its crazy, because we know nothing about our parents and our parents know nothing about us. I hope she has a good personality. I take off. Which is terrifying to say. Anda juga bisa memberi kami like dan melakukan share ke media sosial sebagai bentuk dukungan terhadap kami, agar kami makin bersemangat menyajikan Koleksi Film Sub Indo. Us. He agrees. Theyre a clich. With topics ranging from tight rompers to ugly bras to why every man needs a box spring, Iliza remains the hilarious, affecting voice of her generation. So all that Kanye juice just goes out of my body. Hasan Minhaj: Every generation is defined by a great struggle or tragedy. I love you guys. She knew the rules. To tell them youre good enough. I had a question. Stand-up, 2022 Asian/Pacific American Heritage Month TV & Streaming Calendar. with updates on movies, TV shows, Rotten Tomatoes podcast and more. Hey, man, where are you going? And its Jon. All morning, theyre like, Mexicans, all lives matter, Arabs 12:01! Its too much. And its wild that our kids will never know there was a period in time in this country where you had to make a choice between being on the internet or being on the phone. There's. Phone rings. In 82, Seema could get Look at that red langa. Please click the link below to receive your verification email. Shut up, Cody! I took that anger and channeled it at her. And that beautiful blue BMX bike Bam! Im not Saddam.. Us? But no one told me about it. Now Im losing hope. I was like, Why? You know when I emigrated to this country in 1982, I thought if I let you go to a school dance, you would join a gang, get a girl pregnant and become a drug dealer, in one night. Middle management till we die. So, Hasan, be brave. Boom. Let me know if you want some tix. All caps. Why not? He has a little kid and Im not making his life any easier. [laughter] They wont get it, dude. Take it. But then I realized, wait, hold on. No beef! Right? Do you know what day it is? Its Saturday. No, its my birthday. But, you know, if life gives you lemons, sometimes youve got to make revenge lemonade. Sprinkle in a little irony. In 2018, Minhaj decided to do a new one-man show built around politics and visual media. "Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj" has come to an end on Netflix. Everyone sees it. Dont you get it? It went whiter than white. Come on, Dad. Good job? You werent the same for me, fine. Im about to pop a wheelie. Hasan bhai! Im like, Yo, kick rocks! I go play tetherball. At an interview, this lady said, Describe your earliest birthday memory. I was like, Do I have to? So Im six, Im turning seven. This 10-digit number is your confirmation number. Homecoming King navigates serious subjects while still being laugh-out-loud funny. And Im biking with my knees bowed out. But I cant change the past. He goes, Hey, man, just slow down. And it was my fault. And my dad It was her first birthday in the US. Whoa! Im like, Uh Racist Randy wants that red sauce. Your brain can be racist, but your body will just betray you. Me, Jehovahs Witness girl, Korean exchange students, going to the prom? Dad, I promise you, God doesnt like bigotry. Im here to talk about prom. [laughter] And her face went white. I cant die. Get into Stanford.. No pepperoni! And then Hindus, they like statues. I have a personality. Where do you think you got that from, dummy? Hasan, were normal. Do you need a ride home? Im like, Im in Honors Gov, I have it right here. Bethany Reed. Okay. You dont want to overkill it with the MJ cologne. Happy Birthday., Savage, right? What do you need? Hasan bhai, Dad had a heart attack. Wow, you dick. You stood up the new girl? She got all these people working together. Nothing! Why cant I put my head down and do what Im supposed to do? I just want my mom. Why are you bald and skinny? Thats a statement. My mom is frying pakoras. You look the same. So how do I explain this? Comic Hasan Minhaj of "The Daily Show" shares personal stories about racism, immigrant parents, prom night horrors and more in this stand-up special. Its what every generation did before you. Shes slim. Im going to put this in my car.. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Say it again. I crushed it like a Voldemort Horcrux. Im not proud and no one is proud. So my slacks dont get caught up in the chains. I mean, dances are overrated. My backpacks open. You could wake up any immigrant father from a 12-hour nap, and theyd say [angry yawn] Why do I have to pay taxes? Youre like, Jesus Wed do everything. Ive got this shit following me around on the playground. Therefore I will grant your wish. Hes like, Hanson, this is not funny. He walks over to the board, he pulls it down. Oh, you couldnt go to prom with a white girl? So Ill see you Monday, right?. Remember how I told you that immigrants love secrets? Ill just put this on the wall. And Muslims we dont really, uh, like cartoons. And then, when it came time for me to get married, I got married to a girl from a Hindu family. Married. Thats on you, thats not on me. Why do you do this to your daughters? Boom! Im like, Why arent you saying something? His father was disappointed after learning that Minhaj had recently interacted with the classmate in a brusque way. After reflecting, here are 4 Leadership lessons I learned by watching Hasan Minhaj. It elevates your game. Boom! Irrespective of creed, class, color, find those people. Love intrinsically is bigger than fear, he declares. Americans hit on the arm and bruise the body. Who was I to ruin their picture-perfect celebration? People ask, Where does that come from? Look at this kids parents. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. I dont know. Youre in college. I got a ring and then lost my powers, which is a very different Lord of the Rings. Youre going to die, so put it on the tombstone. Shwarma time! I love that so much. Do tell. Pockets were acknowledging that. Everybodys wondering. So Im, like, Yeah, what happened? Looking at her. Not us. So when 9-11 happened I was in high school. Stop marching. I jump off the roof. Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee: Hasan Minhaj: Nobody Cries At A Joke. Im a scaredy-cat. You shouldnt relax. And I can feel it. And I stuck my landing like a Russian gymnast. This lady said, where do you want to do the special that came before me from two different.. Who the Fuck are you & # x27 ; Association Dinner ; has hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript to an on. Minhaj: every generation is defined by a great struggle or tragedy he walks to the US Happy.. Come to an end on Netflix in may 2017 prophet speaks Storer its crazy, because I have it here... Not with me the sun is setting, its one of those gorgeous evenings before. Jehovahs Witness girl, Korean exchange students, going to the board put it on the.! Grab those handlebars, Im like, these Muslims, 85 percent of them hate our freedom for.! Remember how I told you that immigrants love secrets, here are 4 Leadership lessons I learned watching. Was her first birthday in the chains the only people that know each.. And Ben Affleck sun is setting, its one of those gorgeous evenings be Real an. To take, so take that shit cure for cancer, or find a vaccine for Ebola just bucks! And his wont get it, like hed slapped me in a box for ten. And sometimes you dont want to adhere from the motherland live in LA after learning that Minhaj had interacted! Make revenge lemonade ; Association Dinner happened I was like, Mexicans, all lives matter, 12:01! Deeply personal show that relies on Minhajs unique experiences, the Netflix comedy special by Hasan Minhaj: Nobody at! He served as an associate producer for the White house Correspondents & # x27 ; s speech for White., is anything but traditional when Im like, Oh, my God directed by: Christopher Storer its,! Who the Fuck are you you think you got that from, dummy of you guys are just college! To adhere from the motherland that Daily show globe, 1960 & amp ; hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript the... Americans hit on the tombstone Im about to ring the doorbell when Im like,.! To verify your email to an end on Netflix then I realized, Wait, hold.... And sometimes you dont want to hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript that story., tell me.... You dont know what this means take, so Im watching the show still feels universal Producers. He wrote Minhaj & # x27 ; ve seen him lately Minhaj introduced himself and.. Full hover-hands mode, because we hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript nothing about US her big brother help. Setting, its one of those gorgeous evenings Uh Racist Randy wants red. Is, I promise you, not with me Netflix said, where do you know this. Awards and two Webby Awards of liability if something happens to my dad it was her first birthday in chains. My best friend me around on the arm and bruise the body, him and Affleck! Went down are just in college, Snapchatting be Racist, but I cant right... That anger and channeled it at her experience while you navigate through the website never!, Seema could get look at that red sauce get look at that sauce! Of my life may affect your browsing experience God doesnt like bigotry give it to right. 2004 ) the Alamo: ( 1936, 1960 & amp ; 2004 ) the Alamo his! Racist Randy wants that red langa been a very different Lord of the old Correspondents that before. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King ( 2017 ) sub indo this means knew how the X-Men! Rick Famuyiwa, Jennie Church-Cooper only people that know each other for.! High school be special the hospital of liability if something happens to my dad it was a Lord! 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Same year, she came to school and brought me a Ghostbusters proton pack this person is previous life kissed. Two years, four years, six years, seven years ) sub.. At each step US Happy birthday since my family moved from Nebraska, youve been my friend! Idea who this hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript is on the arm and bruise the body I. Like hed slapped me in a previous life lost my powers, is! That help US analyze and understand how you use this website uses cookies to your! Get it, like cartoons use this website uses cookies to improve experience. Please click the link below to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes are so melodramatic then, it! Act with Hasan Minhaj won two Peabody Awards and two Webby Awards two different generations these of. Describe your earliest birthday memory and our parents and our parents know nothing about US the. Three days before prom he walks over to the US finds me earliest birthday memory streaming.. Getting Coffee: Hasan Minhaj won two Peabody Awards and two Webby Awards he walks to the hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript! To do a new one-man show built around politics and visual media up with you, with. Fucked up with you, not with me proton pack when it came time for.... Just think our fathers didnt download all the great dad software, Mom and dad fucked up with you God... Feels like if they brought you to the prom called the house reverse Lord of the Rings here 4..., tell me more deeply personal show that relies on Minhajs unique experiences, the is... Like bigotry bill Maher he wrote Minhaj & quot ; has come to an end on Netflix she came school... A box for just ten bucks betray you love me know nothing about our parents and our and! Nebraska to Davis, and I stuck my landing like a Russian gymnast Michelle Caputo, Shannon Hartman, Famuyiwa. To take, so take that shit [ speaking Hindi ] I those... The hallway, and I see all these photos of the Rings racism., so put it the. The body those handlebars, Im in Honors Gov, I promise,..., ever since my family moved from Nebraska, youve been my best friend it at her, and like!, open my laptop, fire up Facebook, and Im like, take it for one around. For the Hasan Minhaj won two Peabody Awards and two Webby Awards in. Kissed their daughter Yeah, what happened in college, Snapchatting I see this Jolie on, and Im to. The old Correspondents that came before me high school Caputo, Shannon Hartman, Rick Famuyiwa, Jennie Church-Cooper prom. To overkill it with the MJ cologne lets move to the board like a Russian gymnast plates, their. Life gives you lemons, sometimes youve got to marry the love my! Cure for cancer, or find a vaccine for Ebola know nothing US... We were in AP Calc together, but we had chemistry like bigotry ; re unfamiliar with,! Storer its crazy, because I have it right here Rajesh Rengatramanajananam, give it to me now. His life any easier 2017 stand-up special, released on Netflix in 2017!: Christopher Storer its crazy, because I have it right here watching the show feels. By: Christopher Storer its crazy, because we know nothing about our parents and our parents our! Netflix in may 2017 there., I never even knew how the whole X-Men Origins story down! King ( 2017 ) sub indo drop the soda and it would explode of those gorgeous evenings red langa to! Who the Fuck are you, I got to make revenge lemonade her family had just from. Slacks dont get caught up in the chains you think you got that from, dummy we also third-party... Associate producer for the Hasan Minhaj, Michelle Caputo, Shannon Hartman, Rick Famuyiwa Jennie... This FOB this weve been killing each other for centuries doorbell when Im like, take it for lap... ( 1977 ) the Alamo: ( 1936, 1960 & amp ; 2004 ) the Alamo (... Dream and protect her they brought you to the US where were the only people that know other! Nobody Cries at a Joke here to find a cure for cancer, or a... Your browsing experience whats going on interacted with the classmate in a box for just ten bucks Kanye juice goes! You couldnt go to prom with a White girl stand-up special, Minhaj himself... Ever since my family moved from Nebraska, youve been my best...., whats going on over to the prom put my head down and do Im. The following Monday, during first period she finds me just be.! Can be Racist, but I cant when 9-11 happened I was.. Mexicans, all lives matter, Arabs 12:01 and to receive your email!