But in reality, when someone who has anger issues and substance abuse issues, being confrontational does risk them getting violent with you. Clearly, the love between you is mutual, and I think whenever love is offered and its wanted, and it doesnt cross lines of inappropriateness, it should be shared and celebrated. Regardless if she cheated or not, i'd still get mad if someone spread rumors about me being a gold digger and a boyfriend beater. And as rude as the LW was, no one should respond to a confrontation like that in such a violent way. I dont even remember much about said post, just that i shared a quote or something. Way out of line. I would love nothing more to pack my bags and leave him but 6 years is a long time But yeah i really get you that family is forever and its bad enough that im having a hard time as it is now, how much more when we're married and more problems arise? Not your circus, not your monkeys. My feelings are hurt that he wouldn't instinctively . Started October 30, 2022, By (I unfortunately have a lot of experience here and if the drinking problem was taken care of the anger problem would probably be taken care of also. Your boyfriend might be keeping you from his family because he doesnt have a moment to bring you over. Not only did they blow me away with the accurate reading that I had a few months ago, but they were also kind and understanding of my situation. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. SailBobo Cleopatra Jones Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed. You just let them continue to drink because has nothing to do with you, even if that person you care about is causing immeasurable harm to themselves (and those around them)? He might have areas of his life that you arent supposed to be part of it. 2. Fortnite I tried to ignore them but it still hurt and it affected my relationship with my bf's extended family bc they believed her. Also im still in med school. It's sad to say, but often the reason a man doesn't invite a partner to his family events is that he's embarrassed or ashamed of them. Spare me Why did you sabotage their relationship? LW1: your comments to Ross were off-limits. LW seems oblivious to this after years of dating Rosss brother and just decided she needed to take charge and leap into the family mine field. November 30, 2017, 5:01 pm, I agree with bgm again on this one. 3. I dont like that your parents have a close relationship with another child thats not mine.?? My boyfriend doesn't defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me. Your hatred for his sister and your resentment for him have gotten to the point that you've come here for help. In fact, if he was tired of having girlfriends and being single all the time, theres a chance his family might have influenced him. Just because theyre family it doesnt mean they can get away with treating a girl like sh*t who didnt do anything to them. 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But that is jumping the gun and presuming a lot. Ross has a serious drinking problem. Tell him straight up that he's a pansy. We both have our issues that we are dealing with and we are dealing with them together and leaning on each other. It wasnt about his brother but she never apologized to me about that. Not to excuse Ross behavior, but she had no business getting involved in his decisions. Also, if his parents are nice to you, why are they being lumped in with feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to be around them? Im sorry that youre dealing with this. I am defending you on this one, I am just tryning to give you my take on how to approach this to resolve it. I dont know if they believe what the sister is telling them about me but im sure as hell my boyfriend isnt doing anything about this either. Everyones relationship with their families is different, but some family members are just easier than others to be around. When you marry someone, you're marrying the whole family FOREVER. So, I'd be more specific with us if we can help you before launching into battles with partner over his resistance to you badmouthing his sister. But it can be hard with a sister who painted you in a bad way to the rest of the family and a boyfriend who is unwilling to help me let them see me in a different way by telling his sister to stop. I mean I do think she shouldve addressed it with James first and come up with a strategic plan for an intervention instead of making what Im sure was an unplanned, off the cuff remark (maybe when she was intoxicated herself). It may be a complex situation with some of . Which is fine. He didn't give a rats azz about how you felt, and didn't say a single word to make you feel better or even understand why you feel the way you do. Its heart breaking, Im sure, but you have to look out for yourself here. You can refer to the, The following summaries about tru ball goat release will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Would I go over to her house 2 days later and throw a nutty? Perhaps she should have left the topic to her boyfriend, but her partners success directly affects her. I am really perplexed by the number of comments that focus on the LWs comments while minimizing the brother showing up 48 hours later, threatening and physically pushing the LW and jumping on her vehicle as she tried to drive away, all well her boyfriend stood there and watch. You don't know their personalities or the pressures that they place on him. You can not like someone, but civility is key. Talking to her myself will probably like talking to a brick wall. Their atrocious behavior doesnt mean that she didnt have a part in how this all played out. Exactly. Instead, try to find out what they think of you so that you can work out a way of introducing them that might get more favorable results. Especially when that person has anger issues and you insult them. LW made to big errors here. You could encourage James to go to Al-anon, but uh, not sure if thats really going to get through seeing as his brother threatening his girlfriend doesnt get a fire light under his ass to do something. jwrunner81 Will this be a Red Flag for her? An ex is an EX, esp one you do not have children with) Ibwould suggest no over nights and start mentally preparing yourself to accept it. I brought this up to the boyfriend and he thought the issue was shallow, told me i was over reacting and that i was being childish, and that he expected more from me because he thought i was strong. Also when she said that i wasnt a part of their family, she didnt fail to include the boyfriend of 1 year of their other sister in their family so 6 years is a very long time, but a lifetime is a whole lot longer. Hannanas With such a disproportionate reaction, I feel like the issue of whether or not it was her place to comment really does not matter anymore. This is not difficult. Started February 24, By 226K views, 329 likes, 168 loves, 7 comments, 11 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from My Story Animated MSA: He might be struggling and you have no idea how. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I just want him to tell his sister to back off. Started Saturday at 12:43 AM, By Second, she poisoned the well with her parents in regard to this relationship, by venting to them. And shes not married to James so his success has absolutely no impact on her either. You can't control other people --- but you can control yourself. Sure, her boyfriends success affects her, but if your partners work situation is of concern, then the solution isnt to unilaterally confront the person who is creating the issue. 7 years wasted is 7 years u can't get back. November 30, 2017, 10:13 am. They are neither engaged nor living together. No one on here is saying in any way that Ross was correct in his behavior. And the truth comes out. Your rivalry about their fraternity is unhealthy anyway, and they may be in their thirties, they are not mature. Ross uses anger/rage for control. He didn't defend me at all. Your boyfriend sounds like a fucking child. I think you jumping to the . He might want to keep away from his family himself until he has some issues resolved or good news in his life and career to share with them. Theyve been together for three years. You can refer to the answers below. You have to move on. But in my defense, i only dont see eye to eye with the sister. November 30, 2017, 10:35 am, I hurt so much knowing that James will never be able to have the relationship with his brother that he had if he is with me . Right now, it sounds like everyone embraces your role and continued participation in her life. My boyfriend silently ignores him, but never defends me and doesn't try to prove his dad wrong. Love is not a cup of sugar that gets used up because its extended beyond traditional blood ties. Your boyfriend has decided his sister's reactions have no bearing on his relationship with you. James is trapped and he will end up carrying Ross, maybe for life, because one of them will have to work to keep everything successful. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. Manage Settings The sister should not carry so much import in your life or relationship with your boyfriend. His grandmother has compared me to other girls and his father has even told me I'm unattractive. Consider yourself lucky youve learned how disturbed Ross is and how impotent James is to do anything before you actually legally tied yourself to these people. Did you like our article? Now I also have no idea what the issues you are having with his family. In this article, we'll explore the pros and cons of using TikTok for mental health advice. I didnt even do anything! She posted something harsh on my FB because she thought i was fighting with her brother and it took me days to see it because i dont log in fb all the time and by that time our common friends and their family knew. They were playing a different game and my boyfriend and I were playing GTA V. I was in his heist room and saw a porn magazine (naked guys, called BJ). One of the very first things she did to me was when i posted something negative on fb (i swear life would be better off without it) and she thought it was about her brother. My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year now and his family constantly judges me. The Page has either been moved or deleted, or you entered the wrong URL or document name. What he did was still unacceptable, but purposely insulting an alcoholic with anger issues is almost never going to turn out well. Knowing what we know about Ross, Im hardly surprised at his reaction. And it hurts. ), basically how they live their life, on the fourth of fucking July. I guess my only fault was not being honest to my friend, which is something that i kick myself for up until today. However, if you cant live with the uncertainty,I recommend speaking to a gifted advisor at Psychic Source. He just doesnt get it. The brother was not there when Ross pushed her (she was inside her truck ?) He might not feel confident being around them until he gets more of his life on the right track. You have no idea whats really going on until he tells you. Skyblossom Your boyfriend could keep his family at a distance from you because he doesn't want his parents to judge him for dating you. Hi. But there are lots of reasons two people who are otherwise really well-matched and in love cant and dont work out, and this reason your boyfriend not defending you against his stark-raving mad brother with whom he is so deeply entwined is a pretty solid reason to break up. For weeks I felt betrayed; I felt like James didnt have my back, and I felt like he was okay with this insane treatment. Maybe he is only looking to date casually until something better comes along. Marshals on the ground have "full authority" to arrest people under any federal statute, including 1507, "but they have to . And your business is your business. Do you have the feeling that your boyfriend is keeping you out of his private life? SOMETIMES when you ignore peoplethey get louder and louder.not saying not to defend yourselfjust don't let them see they bug you. Give him a chance to explain. And now she constantly passively aggressively makes it a point that im not part of the family. Trust me this would be settling in every sense of the word. You have no idea what is going on in his world. Sometimes i think it's thick of me to ask him to defend me because i'm just his girlfriend but the thought about being associated with his family for the rest of my life scares me. See I think that if she felt that comfortable confronting him in public about something that has no bearing on her life, its probably not the first time. At this point I was pretty upset and muted myself and left the room for a while because I was crying and my boyfriend could see me because we were on a muted FaceTime call. All i ask is for him to tell his sister to grow up and to stop with the backstabbing, the rumors that she spread behind my back, or at least she could stop the jabs in family gatherings that im not a part of them. 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